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Sweet Jesus, show me what I am hiding from.
I can feel the edges, the shape of the thing but cannot see through the bag it is hiding in.
I know that it is detouring my thoughts to a place I would rather not traverse.
I know that I want to hide, to not be known.
I am hiding my small self between words, collapsing into someone elses thoughts.
I feel as if I am behind a barred window, rattling the casing.
Stab holes in my shell so I can see past myself into You
You are my beacon and i will gravitate toward you always.

Father, I do not know which way to go.
I sit here immobile. I feel selfish and despicable.
It was too much too quick but now I feel obligated to do such an ill fitting task.
My mind is willing but, literally, my
Body is weak.
The weight of the responsibility weighs heavy on me.
My earthly counsel tells me I cannot do it today but how can I leave her lying there even as my body aches and my duties go undone?
I am at an crux in my thinking.
Is the guilt a nudging from you or is that my own diseased mind?
Am I at my limit or do I push further?
I want you to take pleasure in me
I want to do your will
Please speak to me
Do not leave me in the valley
Enable me to walk in your path

Lord, help me to be simple in my needs
Give me a servant’s heart
Allow me to be what I need to be to her
Give me the strenght to be her legs and arms
Thank you Lord for her love for you and for the miracles you have created through her broken body
Make me honorable to you
Lord, if this is not where I am to be help me untangle myself
Let there be someone ready to step in and take my place

You are a strong.
You are my bones and sinews when I am broken and on thr floor
You will not leave me wounded.

You are a protector.
I crave your presence and your light.
Cover me with your wing when darkness closes in.

You are a constant Father.
Unpausing and unfailing
There is nothing impossible within you
And nothing possible without you.

Sweet Lord, I focus in what is good.
I mediate on your character.
You are loyal to me, You will never fail me.
When my relationships on earth fall
short, leave me wounded. You ALONE will be constant.
You are forever the same.
When my hands fail
When I cannot lift my eyes for shame
You will cup my chin
You will kiss my face
You will raise it heavenward

You are my center, my refrence point.
You are the reason my heart beats
You have pulled me to you.
I cannot fall from your grasp.

I can feel the shadow climbing over my shoulder
My words have been stolen from me
Where is my joy?
I cling to your promise that we are struck down but not destroyed,
That life is at work in you
You whisper to my soul ‘be still’
Lord, I am listening
I will still my tongue and heart to hear your words
I will strain to hear above the fluttering of my soul
You are good, You will return my joy sevenfold
You will increase my household
You will quiet this storm
Help me rememeber that my treasure is in heaven
Lord, you are good. You will not let me fail
Give me wisdom to conquer the mountians that engulf me
Give me sure footing and light my path

{2 Corinthians 4}

Lord, I am devestated.
I have prayed to feel your pain for your children
To gain your passion
Lord, I cannot stop the tears
The deep grief
How selfish is our human race!
That babes would not be given a fighting chance
That nourishment would never once touch their lips before they were taken to your throne room
That they would never feel their mothers breath on their cheek, whispering words of love
How demeaning are we to close our doors
Our ears
Our hearts
That we refuse to be touched by these
Small bundles
Their fingers out stretched, gasping against the pain
Oh lord save us! We are heathens in beautiful robes
We sing and laugh, live and pray
Shutting the heart wrenching images away deep in our minds
Who are we to call ourselves your children?
We who remain immobile but have the ability to save
Forever burn the image of starvation and pain into my spirit so I may not forget your children
Move me to save
Enable me to heal
Open the flood gate Lord
Let me not forget

Sweet Lord, tonight I have no words
Your majesty is breathtakingly indescribable
Your magnitude defys every phrase these lips can cry out
Come tuck yourself into me
Abide in and love me
Let me wrap you in my arms and kiss your hand
Let me praise you for your sweet surrender that saved me
I worship you
Your search me and know me
Know my secrets
Know my private shame
And love me still
Your generosity drags me to my knees
Your grace is freeing
In your shadow I will walk
In your law I will abide

Lord, give me clarity

Help me weep when you weep

Let my unfeeling heart turn to heart wrenching compassion

Give me your heart for your people

Grow my spirit a thousand times within me

No longer do I want the spirit of immobility

a heart of  ungracefulness

I want your voice, your hands, you tendons

grafted over mine

I want to be wholly absorbed by your spirit

Blow through me

Break me down according to your will

Leave the pieces that do not belong in your will

I claim your strength in my life

Lord, give me a heart to love
Give me a heart to see
Let me be your hands
Let your grace flow through me
On to her
When I wrap her in my arms
May they be yours
When I comfort her
Let the words be yours
Lay stake to my spirit
Let me be a measure of grace for her

little ole me

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